Not Asking for Permission: The Radical Truth.

The idea of not asking for permission sounds empowering and it is but for many of us, it’s more than just a mindset. It’s a survival tactic. Choosing to move forward with our heart's desires without waiting for validation is often the only way to learn to keep going. Yet, what's not talked about enough is how this “freedom” also comes with pressure, the pressure to move at a certain pace, to meet invisible expectations, and to make our independence look effortless. But, not asking for permission also means learning to be comfortable doing things our own way, even when others don’t understand or approve of what that looks like or align with some type of outdated status quo. The reality is that the same people who will tell you not to seek permission will sometimes also be the same people who project expectations on you.

As a single mother and self-taught creative, some of the many lessons I’ve had to learn and still remind myself of when it comes to the idea of not asking for permission is not internalizing expectations. To stay clear of measuring my process and journey against others, give myself grace, especially when I don’t yet have the language or vocabulary to articulate what I need or express the stage I may be within my life and or creative career, and not allowing myself to be counted out by anyone.

My creative career spans over 10 years of lived creative experiences, and many of those weren’t “achieved goals” but wins in the sense that they were lessons preparing me for the next stage in my life and or career. Honestly, I often wanted some of those experiences to be my end-all be-all achievements that kept me planted in a dope job that I truly enjoyed, affording me the financial security to provide for myself, my child, and invest in myself because I once romanticized the idea that clarity of what tomorrow will bring based on external possessions meant certainty.

Many of us had the unfortunate experience of being sucked into the tornado of hustle culture, exerting so much emotional and physical labor in our careers without a proper foundation, scaffolding, language, or understanding of what the fuck we were doing, but we didn’t ask for or need PERMISSION. We showed up for ourselves the best way we knew how.

My PERMISSION was that I was a single mother with a long journey ahead of me, full of struggles, ups and downs, and I wanted more for myself. I didn’t want my responsibilities to keep me from doing the things I’ve always wanted to do just because of possible setbacks. The way I saw it, if I was going to struggle, I’d rather struggle doing the things that brought me joy.

But I didn’t anticipate how exhausting this voyage through life and my creative career would be. Over the past few years one of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn has been giving myself PERMISSION to rest. To stop feeling the need to keep adapting to a toxic culture that left so many of us burnt out and chasing a finish line that didn’t even fucking exist. I’ve also learned that clarity isn’t a seal stamp on what to anticipate but instead a guide for how to navigate WHATEVER comes next. And honestly, I no longer have the energy to perform productivity because bitch, I be tired.

I’m in the stage of my life where every day I’m doing what I can to show up for others and for myself in ways that fit within my capacity. It’s not something that always needs to be seen online or understood by others.

I’m honoring the fact that I’m not just a creative and a mother, but also a sister, daughter, head of household, protector, the provider, the bank, the nurse, the cook, the laundry lady, the cleaning lady, my daughters unofficial therapist, and everything in fucking between, and I’m doing it all without consistent support or PERMISSION. How we handle our lives will continue to evolve as life changes and as financial capacity and responsibilities shift.

So give yourself PERMISSION to adapt to those changes, however you see the fuck fit. As long as you continue to show up for yourself in ways that feel right to you, that’s what fucking matters 🤷🏾‍♀️.