The Woes of Being a MOM Friend with Gaps in Personal Growth and Self-Discovery

I got pregnant at age 20 and had my kid at 21, so for most of my young adult life, I’ve been a mother. The time that I got to enjoy being a young adult and childless was from the age of 18 to 20. Between then, I was enrolled in college, and my short college experience was the most fun I’ve had as an adult. After being a mother, life changed, and of course, so did I, which is expected. The changes weren’t always good, and they weren’t always bad, but struggle and trauma stuck around as if I had also given birth to fraternal twins. Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve realized how much not getting to experience enough years of being a childless adult can affect the way you interact with people, especially when being a parent has become somewhat of your personality, bad enough I’m also the eldest sibling and that alone had its own ghetto experience’s. Then I wonder why my black ass don’t have close friends as a 30-something-year-old adult. I don’t really be having shit to talk about except for single mom shit, or I end up becoming the therapist giving advice, soothing woes, giving guidance, or a lecture. Now, there are a few other reasons I've had a hard time building close friends after walking away from an over 12-year close friendship, and other close friendships riddle in taking advantage of me and betrayal, but I'll save that for another blog post or maybe a therapist, I'll see how I feel later on; stick with me here. So, yup, in a friend group, I’ve been the “Mom” of the group.

If there were legal compensation commercials for being “The Mom Friend”, this is exactly how it would go: "Have you suffered the effects of being “The Mom Friend”? If so, you may be entitled to significant financial compensation! Being “The Mom Friend” has been linked to being friendless, feeling isolated, lack of shared interest with others, time constraints, emotional exhaustion, memory loss, oversharing, and being dry, as the GenZ would say. Pressure to be relatable and fun when you just want to sleep, and the continued drastic experience of going through different stages of life. Call the law office of “The Ghetto shits of The Human Experience.” Don’t wait! The time to file a claim is limited, and let’s be real, you’ve got some time on your hands. The call is no longer toll-free because we are no longer in the 90s, and shit is expensive, and you better have some cash upfront and give us the rest even if we don’t win your case. We don’t know if justice is in reach since your personality isn’t. Contact us today to get the compensation you think you deserve!"

Mom friend’s, we just might be fucked!! So how do we "cure" ourselves from The Mom Friend Syndrome? Biiiitch, I’m still trying to figure that shit out my damn myself. What? Were you expecting some motivational life lesson monologue loaded with emotional fluff that pulled at your heartstrings to make you feel seen and heard? (now breath). I’m all for being heard, but girl, we are barely being seen because we stay in the house, so I gotta draw the line somewhere. And maybe there isn't some trauma healing "cure." Maybe this is who we have become, and it's okay, or maybe you're okay with it..... damn it, do what makes you happy. But in Sagittarius fashion, I also gotta do the philosophical shit because that's what we do, especially when we (Sagittarius) want to sound intellectual and shit, but also because we are, duh, so here goes; I've realized for those of us mom friends who have missed out on the fundamentals of being a young adult, due to growing up quickly in different stages of life, and having children at an early age we tend to struggle with building a close authentic tribe and there will essentially be situations and relationships that you are not well equipped to handle because the adult parts of us will need to show the fuck up for those situations and relationships, but instead that inner child will show up and can struggle with functioning in those situations and relationships (now breath).

With that being said, I hope no one’s mental health was harmed while reading this blog, but just a bit more enlightened while turning those thinking caps on, and I hope you make an appointment with their therapist soon because you'll probably need it. So do with that information, what you will. As far as me, I've had to honestly tell myself that although my interaction skills with adults in my age group may need some motor oil, I'm just not ready to create close friendships. For now, I enjoy getting to know people in passing or as acquaintances, but that may be hard for some being that I'm such a cool ass bitch, lol. My reasoning honestly also has to do with the need to be okay with being more vulnerable, but there is no surprise there, being that I'm an artist and we tend to have issues, and again, maybe I'll save those deep parts for another blog post or maybe a therapist, I'll see how I feel later on, I mean, least I know myself.

So, Mom friends know that you are loved and cared for regardless and, in many ways we are needed. Be sure to come back to my blog soon for more thoughts with wit, wisdom, profanity, and truth with a twist. Love YA!!